I wasn't at work for 5 minutes before someone told me that an ex-coworker had hung himself this past weekend. Kevin was one of those co-workers who never said too much. He was extremely smart and learned things quickly. He was part of our development team.
Most of us in our department had become quite close in a matter of a short time. For some reason, Kevin never seemed to click with most people. Being the type of person who always seemed to befriend the underdogs or the oddballs, I quickly started trying to get to know him, although he made it difficult. After a few months, he finally started to open up and talk more, but still no one really knew much about him. We would say Hi in the morning, ask how each others weekends went and on occasion had to talk about something work related.
I regret not getting to know him more. What we did learn was that he had a 7 year old son and an ex wife. He had a fiance' who left him probably a month before he was laid off a couple of months ago. Someone had mentioned that he took it really hard, but he sure didn't show it at work or mention it to anyone. We also learned that he was very bipolar and battled it daily. He was on medication, but with our shitty medication insurance, the cost was still expensive and it was difficult for him to juggle child support along with everything else. I'm sure once he was laid off that he wasn't able to afford the medication at all. I'm only speculating here. I'm not even sure if he found a job immediately after getting laid off or not.
My whole meaning of writing this, is that you never know what is going on in the life of the person you have daily contact with or who sits right next to your cubicle. That quiet, unassuming person who never says much could be hurting more then you could possibly imagine. How often do we try to break through those walls and get to know them? Find out if they need help or just someone to talk to?
Obviously, with all that was going on with him personally, life became not worth living.
It makes me look at my co-workers in totally different light.
6 comments:
I can't even imagine the kind of despair that it takes to commit suicide but I feel for Kevin.
My condolences to you and your co-workers, and to his family. That can never be easy for anyone.
I've had two people in my life commit suicide and as tragic as it is, even more tragic is the wake they leave behind.
I'm sorry for Kevin and I hurt for him because he couldn't find a way through his pain. I hurt for his feeling of despair and his struggle with bipolarism that would not let him see beyond it. But my heart breaks more for his son who will never understand why his father left him.
I admire you for trying Mark. It's a difficult thing to reach out. But you tried. You're right..you never know if someone is hurting. But even if you know someone well, and you've offered your ear and your shoulder, sometimes..they need to reach out and accept the offer. I wish for his and his family's sake, Kevin could have accepted yours.
Sad, I too had someone this week committ suicide that I worked with and called a friend. After a nasty divorce from her husband (who I hired to work for me in my department as a favor to her - that's a whole other story!)she tried to get her life back together, but could not. What demons possess one to take their own life! I just hope that she found the peace that she needed.
Thanks for posting these compassionate, aware words.
little late, but i am very sad to hear about this. i know a guy who did the same thing and it really carved a canyon into his family.
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